grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
tell me about the eggs
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