Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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