ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
