loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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