It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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