is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
