why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
