Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
