There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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