I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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