I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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