that's an acceptable place to lick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
