Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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