At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
