This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
