she woke up with a sticky ear
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
