You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
