Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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