I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
