Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
