Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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