The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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