i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
