Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
