Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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