college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
