Someone shit on the floor
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
