I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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