Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
