Someone shit on the floor
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
