I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
