when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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