hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
