it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
