Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
