the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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