Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
