I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
