How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
