Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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