Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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