some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
