Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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