I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
