his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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