weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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