How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
