If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
