You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
