Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
