ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's always time for handjobs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
