dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
