I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
