The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
