I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
