I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
