I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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